What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
