i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
