two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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