Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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