I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
