I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
