she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
