All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
