nut hugger
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
