It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
