And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
