I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
