I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
