I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize