If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
