I will die if light touches me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
