I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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