There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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