I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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