There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
