you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
