just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
