My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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