Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
