Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
