and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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