you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
