She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
