Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
