the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
