mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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