Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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