I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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