Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
