I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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