I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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