u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
