bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
