Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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