tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
