I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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