arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
