Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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