just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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