we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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