I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
