Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
