i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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