Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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