so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
