why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
