I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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