my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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