People in love make me want to vomit
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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