i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
