How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
