And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
