why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
