I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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