oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
