Nicole vs. Life
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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