im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
