one word: firstdatebathroomanal
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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