i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
is it fun? or sober?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
